10 Things More Annoying Than The Ting Tings...

As you can probably guess, the title of the song is "That's Not My Name", and the band's name is The Ting Tings. I'm sure that you have heard this song on the radio in the past few weeks. If you haven't yet, you probably will. I have a funny feeling that, unfortunately... this will be 2009's "Girlfriend" so to speak. God help us all...

So, you're probably asking yourself, what-oh-what could be more interesting than that damn song? For the first time on this blog, I have begrudgingly decided to have a co-author to this article. Okay, so maybe he punched me in the face, and wrote half of the list while I was cleaning up the blood, but whatever. To find out 10 things we find more annoying than the Ting Tings, click on the link below.

So now... 10 Things More Annoying Than The Ting Tings:

10. [Secret Agent Michael Scarn] The fact that I cannot talk about Fight Clu... oops, I've said too much.
[Rafael] You're an idiot...

9. [Secret Agent Michael Scarn] Mark Buehrle. What gives him the right to be so perfect through 45 consecutive batters? Who does he think he is?
[Rafael] By know I assume that the readers know that he was speaking ironically, and that we have nothing but praise for his work.

8. [Secret Agent Michael Scarn]Rafael on the phone -- whether it be it Kate or any other caller, Rafael clearly knows nothing about phone etiquette. And he has a tiny penis. A very tiny penis.
[Rafael] But Chris, you know we are twins, right? You know, if you are saying that I am sm--
[Secret Agent Michael Scarn] I stand by my statement!!!

7. [Rafael] Lawn gnomes. Screw you Travelocity!
Secret Agent Michael Scarn] Really? I kinda like them.
{Rafael] No you don't. You just like to piss me off.
Secret Agent Michael Scarn] Well, yeah... that's true!

6. [Rafael] Carlos Zambrano. He is a decent enough pitcher, but the guy is way too emotional. He acts like he single handily won the world series every single time he strikes a guy out. We get it! You are a douche!
[Secret Agent Michael Scarn] Hold on now, the only reason you don't like him is because he plays for the Cubs. If he pitched for the White Sox, you would love him.
[Rafael] That's not true...
[Secret Agent Michael Scarn] Okay, than what about Magglio Ordonez? You used to love the guy when he was with the White Sox, but now that he is with the Tigers, you hate him.
[Rafael] That's different.
[Secret Agent Michael Scarn] HOW IS THAT DIFFERENT?
[Rafael] It's very simple... screw you!

5. [Secret Agent Michael Scarn] The whole, "Well, God does everything for a reason," excuse. F%@k that!!! If God didn't want children to be molested, he wouldn't have created Michael Jackson!!! You know what I'm talking about. Yes, sweet, supple children with those delicate orifices -- they know not what they do...
[Rafael] wow... just wow...

4. [Rafael] Jay Leno. I have nothing against you as a person, but you are such a tool. You finally step down from the Tonight Show, giving Conan the spotlight. Then, not two months before you are off the air, NBC announces not only that you are coming back, but that you are taking up 5 hours of prime time every week!!! What the F@*k! Seriously....
[Secret Agent Michael Scarn] That is not cool... You don't do that! God!!! I am so mad right now!!! GAWWWWWWW!!!!!!!
[Rafael] Don't make him angry. You wouldn't like him when he is angry...

3. [Rafael] Deal or No Deal!!! That has got to be the dumbest game show in the history of game shows. It is just a bunch of people screaming "Deal" or "No Deal". That's it? That is considered "Must-See" television these days?
[Secret Agent Michael Scarn] I know!!! How is this even considered a game show? THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO SKILL INVOLVED!!! At least on other shows, there is some skill involved. With Deal or No Deal, you just pick a damn case, and start shouting "No deal!" at the top of your lungs like some idiot.
[K-dubs] Come on guys, the show's not that bad...
[Rafael and Secret Agent Michael Scarn] F@*K YOU KEVIN!!!

2. Secret Agent Michael Scarn] Sarah Palin!!! 'Nuff Said!!!
[Rafael] To be honest, I am more indifferent to Sarah Palin. She can't help it if she is a complete f@*king moron. Its the people who support Sarah Palin that I can't stand. The other day, I saw a bumper sticker that read, "Sarah for President, 2012". What the hell is wrong with you? How can you sit there with a strait face and tell me that she is the best choice to represent the people of America. She has little to no experience whatsoever, she is dumber than a dead possum with down syndrome, and she is consistently under investigation for abusing her power. I can't understand how everyone can understand that, but because she is moderately attractive, and supports shooting guns, she is a serious contender to win her party's nomination.

1. [Secret Agent Michael Scarn] The fact that Edward Norton has only been nominated for one Academy Award, yet Cher has one on her mantle.
[Rafael] Chris, I know that you are upset about Ed Norton, but the only reason you are even talking about him is because that movie has been on T.V. almost 20 times in the past week.
[Secret Agent Michael Scarn] And what movie would that be, exactly?
[Rafael] Fight Clu--
[Secret Agent Michael Scarn] THE FIRST RULE ABOUT FIGHT CLUB IS THAT YOU DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB!!!

Before I leave you, I -- Rafael DelBosque IV -- would like to announce that I am a loser and am terribly sorry for messing with Chris' Bruce Springsteen poster. And I promise never to do it again. I also feel as though mentioning my tiny penis deserves a second comment, because it is so small.

[Rafael] What did you say?
[Secret Agent Michael Scarn] nothing...

THE END

At The Movies: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

"Once again, I must ask too much of you, Harry."
- Dumbledore

Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is the sixth installment in the Harry Potter series, based on the series of novels by J.K. Rowling. Like the rest of the films, it stars Daniel Radcliffe, Rupert Grint, Emma Watson, Alan Rickman, and Sir Michael Gambon. While this may be the most exciting film of the series, you may not want to pour the champagne just yet. For anyone who is wondering, I will refrain from giving away any spoilers... Any major ones, anyway (I assume that anyone reading this has probably already read the books, but I digress).

Like all Harry Potter movies to date, this film is filled with beautiful images, thrilling action scenes, and surprisingly decent amount of comedy. Unlike its predecessors, however, this film has been quite a bit more character-driven. This film (I know, I know... it is based off the book) has decided to rely mostly on the various state of the character's relationships/feelings for one another.

Right off the bat, this film had some magnificent scenes from Sir Michael Gambon. He completely stole the show, and I was thoroughly impressed by how he commanded the screen. Likewise, Daniel Radcliffe is really beginning to blossom into quite the talented actor. As always, there was a solid performance from Alan Rickman, who is one of the more underrated actors of his generation (If you don't believe me, watch his performances in Die Hard, Love Actually, and Galaxy Quest... This guy is versatile!).

As the film progresses, I was pleasantly surprised by the fact that Half-Blood Price finally allowed us, the viewer to have a better look at quidditch. Aside from the fact that is far to easy for the athletes to die, and there are no apparent anti-spell rules in place to prevent outside cheating, this looks like a very fun game. It was nice to see the game from the perspective of Ron, Ginny, and a few other characters. The CGI in that scene was fantastic, and I did not expect those scenes to push the story line as far as it did.

Unlike other films in the Harry Potter series, the Half-Blood Prince was the first film to realy concentrate on the romantic lives of several characters. It might seem like a risky maneuver for a big film franchise to delve too deeply into matters of the heart. For those of you who don't believe me, watch all of the non-action scenes from Return of the Sith (Damn you Lucus!!!). All joking aside, however, I had a mixed reaction to their attempt.

The dialogue between the characters was filled with real emotions. I mean, sure there was a little bit of teen angst, but I was actually impressed by the moderately smooth transition the franchise has been able to make. It is very easy to make a love scene materialize out of thin air, but the Harry Potter franchise has been laying the groundwork for quite some time. In regards to some characters, the payoff was really satisfying, and the chemestry seemed truly organic.

Unfortunately, I do have to point out that I do not feel any connection between the characters of Hermione and Ron. Whether or not the characters end up together or not is not the point... at this point, I really don't care. I know that the casting director casted these actors as children - and both Rupert Grint and Emma Watson are fine actors - but I just don't feel any type of real connection between the two.

As only a casual viewer, I am not familiar with the books, I am enjoying how they are starting to tie everything together. From beginning to end, almost every second of screen time left me wanting more of the story. I know that some parts of the story were easily predictable, but that did not stop me from enjoying the movie. In fact, this made me appreciate some of the previous films from the series. The first time I had watched Harry Potter and the Book of Secrets, I thought that the plot had been forced. Looking back at it now, while most sequels are just a thinly veiled way for movie studios to make an extra dollar (while diluting the impact of the original, ie The Matrix or Pirates of the Caribbean), this franchise has only gotten better and better. One reason is because the storyline has had a clear vision from beginning to end. Another reason is because of the suburb talent of the entire ensemble. It is difficult for such a diverse cast to stay together for so long. This only proves how much this cast believes in this project. I know that Emma Watson seriously considered leaving, but she just couldn't bare the thought of anyone else playing her, proving how connected the cast is to this project.

Is it worth seeing? Yes. Not only does this film leave me wanting more, but this series has also been able to change how I felt about the entire series.

Theatre or Rental? Theatre... This one is a no brainer. Sure, this movie will still translate well on the small screen, but with the special effects, and loyal fan following, you can understand why this film has been shattering records in its opening weeks. All I can say is that I can not wait to see what happens next...

AND YOU CAN PUT IT IN THE HISTORY BOOOOOOOOKS, YYYYYYYES!!!!!

Congratulations Mark Buehrle, you've just become the 18th person in history to toss a perfect game.





Buehrle, pitching in a game that placed the White Sox in a virtual tie with their rival Tigers team, had a day that will be remembered in the history looks for a long time. Not only is this the 18th perfect game in over 120 years of professional baseball, it is the first game in which a grand slam was hit. But that was not the most impressive statistic.

Buehrle has became the 24th pitcher to throw multiple no-hitters in a career. He is also one of only six other pitchers to have tossed two no-hitters, one of which included a perfect game. The other pitchers on the list include Cy Young, Addie Joss, Jim Bunning, Sandy Koufax and Randy Johnson. With the exception of Johnson, who has 300 career wins, all of the pitchers to accomplish this feat are enshrined in Cooperstown's famed Baseball's Hall of Fame (and yes, Johnson will be there someday).

It is at this time that we now begin to ask the question, is Mark Buehrle a Hall of Famer? In a nine year career, he is a four-time All-Star, has pitched two no-hitters (granted, a lot of HoF pitchers have not thrown one, and a lot of not so HoFers have -- see Hideo Nomo), and was a big part of the 2005 White Sox World Series championship.

So far pretty good. But what about comparisons? How would he rank against a probable Hall of Famer (Johan Santana) and a possible Hall of Famer (Mike Mussina)?

To be fair, we used the following criteria. All three played (for the most part) in the American League during the same era (1992-2009), played for teams with fairly successfull season records, and are being shown their career records up to the age of 30 (meaning that they may not have played the same amount of games, but they at least have an accurate sampling timeline).

------ Mike Mussina vs. Mark Buehrle vs. Johan Santana
Wins:--------136 ------------ 132 ------------- 120
Losses:-------66 ------------- 90 --------------- 58
W-L%:------.673 ----------- .595 ------------ .674
ERA:---------3.50 ----------- 3.78 ------------ 3.10
IP:----------1772.0 --------- 1973.0 -------- 1666.1
WHIP:------1.174 ---------- 1.264 ----------- 1.109
All-Stars:-----5 -------------- 4 ----------------- 4
Top 5 CYA:---5 -------------- 1 ----------------- 5
Gold Gloves:-4 -------------- 0 ----------------- 1

Through these numbers, a pattern starts to develop. First, Buehrle has a much lower winning percentage, a higher ERA, and -- despite his comparable All-Star appearances -- only one season in the top five of Cy Young voting. On that note, Buehrle finished at five while Mussina and Santana each had an additional season where they finished sixth in Cy Young voting.

So, perhaps he's not quite the Hall of Famer that his historical achievement may indicate, but he is the only one of the three with a World Series ring. But for a single day at least, Marke Buehrle was perfect. No one can ever say they pitched better than he did on that day. Congratulations Mark.

STEVE MCNAIR: 1973-2009

Earlier today, former NFL MVP quarterback Steve McNair was killed by a gunshot wound to the head. According to police, the incident occurred inside a downtown Nashville condominium with one additional victim. As of right now, local detectives appear to have no serious leads and have yet to make any arrests on any suspects.


“We don’t know the details, but it is a terrible tragedy and our hearts go out to the families involved,” NFL commissioner Roger Goodell said in a statement.

“We are saddened and shocked to hear the news of Steve McNair’s passing today,” Titans owner Bud Adams said in a statement. “He was one of the finest players to play for our organization and one of the most beloved players by our fans. He played with unquestioned heart and leadership and led us to places that we had never reached, including our only Super Bowl.”

In perhaps the greatest ending to a Super Bowl in NFL history, McNair took the Titans down the field with the clock winding down on Super Bowl XXXIV. With only 22 seconds left in the game, and down by a touchdown, McNair slipped past two defenders who had latched onto his jersey, avoided the sack, and managed to toss a pass to the ten yard line. With only six seconds left, McNair passed a bullet into the heart of Kevin Dyson -- who was tackled by linebacker Mike Jones on the one yard line. The closest game in NFL history was decided by one yard on the final play of the game.



Although McNair would never again play in football's greatest game, he would continue to excel at it, returning to the AFC Championship game on two other occasions. He would also win a Co-MVP award in 2003 (having finished second in voting the year before) while attending three Pro-Bowls.

But as great as his statistical achievements may be, he is perhaps best known for his strength, grit, determination, and toughness. Simply put, he was the toughest player to play in the past ten years. In 2002, the year he finished second in MVP voting, McNair played half the season without participating in team practices -- so hurt from previous injuries, that he could only afford to play on game day. Despite these injuries, he managed to secure a playoff spot for his team, and exemplified what it was to be a team leader. Interestingly, despite his placing second in MVP voting, McNair did not get named to the Pro-Bowl that year.

Cool, calm, and collected, McNair exuded a different temperament than most other NFL players, he seemed to carry the weight of a city's dreams with the same seriousness as the mayor of the town the night before the election, yet never lost that joyous love and understanding that he was playing a game for a living.

For whatever reason, perhaps none, McNair has been taken from this world. Hopefully, the person(s) responsible for this tragedy will be put to justice for their crimes. But no matter the outcome, a life lost leaves only the memory of his accomplishments: he has four young sons, a wife, and had opened up his own restaurant named Gridiron9, which he opened on June 19, 2009.

He played the game in a way that made young kids want to be him, and the crusty veterans respect him. He was a blue-collar guy who happened to play sports. As a young kid, he was asked to carry the franchise's fate from their move from Houston (the last year the the team played there) to the new home in Tennessee. Within two years of starting, he led them to a championship game, passed for 31,304 yards and ran for 3,590. He was a true hybrid quarterback, a true player.

CrAzY pIcTuReS

Now I know what you're thinking, "You can't spell 'crazy pictures' with alternating caps. That's ridiculous. Do you hear me, you ridiculous man?"

Ridiculous as it may be, we here at the Luckie Street Tribune take our photojournalistic standards very seriously. Here are some of the most important photos and the stories behind them. Who knows, this information could very well save your life one day.




CrAzY pIcTuReS
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Prior to his days as VP of the Denver Broncos, Jim Saccomano recalls his glory days as bassist for the Red Hot Chili Peppers.

One of the greatest invention in the history of inventions, perhaps even greater than Mountain Dew.

Okay, seriously man, this Swine Flu s%$t has gotten out of control!

Hello, I’d like some bottled beer. Yes sir, some bottled beer sounds really nice. That would really hit the spot… that bottled beer. Seriously dude, give me a f%@#$#g bottled beer or I’m gonna’ kick you f#@$%g ass!

I love the RED SOX. Seriously, it isn’t baseball without watching the RED SOX. (hint: you better get this or I’ll never speak to you again)

Mr. Ed, out of the closet and proud of it.

I feel pretty, oh so pretty… [alternate caption: Strawberry Glue didn't mind getting heckled by the other horses so much, but what did disturb him was his owner constantly berating him and telling him that he would become strawberry glue if he didn't start performing better in races.]

Dude, you are so baseball, but you don’t even know it.

You guys said, “Don’t worry Frank, we’ll all dress up too.” You always do this. I hate you.

Three baseball players, three cups.

Why yes, it is a new uni, and I get my own number and everything. What do you mean I look like a douche? Stop that, stop laughing at me!

Damn Yankees.

Quick, what’s the one thing worse than the 1980s White Sox jerseys? Why their failed prototypes of course! (Here is a second look)

Son – Daddy, why is that man bleeding yellow out of his stomach?
Father – Because I like tequila, son.

Is it just me or does this look suspiciously like the logo that Family Guy used to display Peter’s retardation in the episode where he found out that he was in fact retarded? It does, doesn't it? Thus proving my point, that all soccer fans are retarded.

Tired of waiting for Brett Favre to make up his mind, the citizens of Green Bay made it up for him. Brett Favre, 1969-2009.

Also available, albeit less popular among his wedding day guests, was the "wedding night" bobble head doll.

Texas Rangers Management: Hell, I can't decide on our team colors.
Intern: (sarcastically) Why don't you just pick them all.
TRM: BRILLIANT!!!

No Bob, I'm not going to "wait it out" any longer! You said that if I wore these socks I'd have the ladies all over me in an instant. And don't say, "Well it worked last night," because those were hookers. I hired hookers last night.

Juan knew it was time to go into rehab when he struck out looking on three straight pitches in the second inning because a beer vendor was walking up and down the left field bleachers. Unfortunatly, a similar event unfolded in the seventh inning as a churro vendor did the same.

Tony considered himself to be an individual person -- never falling into certain trends and fads -- his whole life. That all changed when he went to the park on June 13, 2009.